Original: “The rich are different than you and me.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
“Yes, they have more money.” – Ernest Hemingway
Improved: “The rich are different than you and me.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
“Yes, they have more money.” – Ernest Hemingway
“(Sigh) That’s not what I meant.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Original: “The first casualty when war comes is truth.” – Senator Hiram W Johnson
Improved: “The first casualty when war comes is usually a corporal from Texas.”
Original: “If you can’t be funny, be interesting.” – Harold Ross
Improved: “Don’t be funny. And if you can’t not be funny, don’t be interesting.”
Original: “Hegel remarks somewhere that all great, world-historical facts and personages occur, as it were, twice. He has forgotten to add: the first time as tragedy, the second as farce.” – Karl Marx
Improved: “Hegel remarks somewhere that all great, world-historical facts and personages occur, as it were, three times. He has forgotten to add: the first time as tragedy, the second as farce, the third as a question on ‘Jeopardy.’”
Original: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana
Improved: “Who said that great thing about people who can’t remember the past? Was it Orwell?”
Original: “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” – John Lennon
Improved: “A man without fans is unlikely to be shot by a crazed one.”
Original: “A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.” – Gertrude Stein
Improved: “A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.”
Original: “War is the continuation of politics by other means” – Carl Gottleib von Clausewitz
Improved: “War is the continuation of business by other means.”
Original: “Never send to know for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.” – John Donne
Improved: “Never send to know for whom the bell tolls. It’s probably tolling for Jerry. He has emphysema.”
Original: “I am not a crook.” – Richard M. Nixon
Improved: “I am not a crook. But I’m not so sure about you.”
