There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 21

SMELLY FUNGUS SPARKS CORPSE HUNT

The odour given off by an unusually large fungus in Germany was so foul that it sparked off a police hunt for a corpse, authorities say.

A spokesman for police in the eastern city of Dresden says following reports from local people about the smell, five officers and a sniffer dog went to investigate in a forest close to the German-Czech border.

“Then they discovered this gigantic stinkhorn,” he said, referring to the foetid-smelling, oddly-shaped fungus with the Latin name Phallus impudicus. “Those things really do stink.”

Police called off the search and retreated from the malodorous fungus, which German media said was over 20 centimetres long, much bigger than stinkhorns usually grow.

Published in: on December 21, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 20

MOAN LIMIT TOPS PETTY WORKPLACE RULES LIST

The time-honoured office tradition of whining at the water cooler just might get you fired, a newly compiled list of workplace horrors around the world says.

Two workers who exceeded the official limit of two moans per employee at one unnamed German firm were fired this year.

Several colleagues quit before their moans could be counted.

Published in: on December 20, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 19

BULK SAVES MAN FROM SERIOUS CAR CRASH INJURIES, POLICE SAY

A 440 pound German man discovered that being overweight can be good for your health, if you get run over by a car.

German police say the extra body mass prevented the 30-year-old man from suffering potentially fatal injuries when a Volkswagen Polo drove over him after he braked suddenly on his bicycle at a crossroads and fell off in front of the car.

“It certainly helped him in this case,” police spokesman Sven-Marco Claus for the western town of Gifhorn.”Someone smaller would probably not have been so lucky.”

The man dislocated his hip, which local doctors put back in place, but otherwise suffered only scratches and a bloody nose from the underside of the vehicle, police say.

Published in: on December 19, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 18

GERMAN FLIES GIANT SHOES TO WORLD’S TALLEST WOMAN

A German maker of outsize shoes says he will fly to China next week with three pairs of extra large ladies shoes as a special and much-needed gift for Yao Defen, believed to be the world’s tallest woman.

Georg Wessels says he has spent years trying to track down Ms. Yao, who is from a poor farming family in eastern China’s Anhui province and 2.36 metres tall, according to Chinese doctors.”

I wrote to China to ask her what kind of shoes she would like and in what colour. She answered she didn’t care at all what colour they were she would just be so happy to have some proper footwear,” Mr Wessels said.

Ms Yao takes European size 57 shoes. The largest shoes Wessels has made so far were a size 69 for Matthew McGrory, who has the world’s biggest feet, according to the Guinness World Records. Ms Yao began treatment in June for a brain tumour which is largely responsible for her extraordinary height by stimulating her body to release excessive amounts of growth hormone.

Published in: on December 18, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 17

JELLY TRIGGERS GERMAN SECURITY ALERT

A small pile of leftover jelly discarded beside the road after a wedding party caused a large-scale security alert in Germany with biochemical experts, firemen and police called in to investigate.

“Passers-by called police after finding a pool of a flabby red, orange and green substance on the roadside,” a police spokesman in the eastern town of Halle said.Fears of toxic waste led to the closure of a wide area after the emergency call on Sunday, and experts wearing chemical warfare suits spent two hours examining the gelatinous substance before deciding that it was jelly.”

The fire brigade always has to assume a worst-case scenario,” a spokesman said. “We conducted a variety of tests and figured out it was jelly.”

He says the newly-wed groom, who was pulled out of bed at noon following a tip-off, confirmed that the jelly, known as Jell-O in the United States, was a party leftover and agreed to clean it up.

Published in: on December 17, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Leave a Comment  
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There’ll Always be a Germany – Chapter 16

ELDERLY MAN STICKS HIMSELF TO ROOF

Police say a 91-year-old man sparked a rescue operation when he slipped mending his roof and got stuck in tar.

Police in the eastern city of Magdeburg in Germany say passers-by were so shocked to see the elderly handyman working on the roof, they first thought he was planning to commit suicide.

“In fact, he was just re-coating the roofing with bitumen but then he slipped,” a police spokesman said. “When we got there, he was like a beetle on its back, with his arms and legs sprawled out and completely glued to the roof. Due to his age, he couldn’t free himself from his unfortunate situation.”

Local firemen carefully detached the man using ropes and ladders. Police say he was unharmed but had sticky clothes.

Published in: on December 16, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany – Chapter 15

GERMAN MAN’S SMELLY FEET TRIGGER POLICE RAID

German police broke into a darkened flat fearing they would find a dead body after neighbours complained of a nasty smell seeping out onto the staircase. The shutters of the apartment had been closed for more than a week and the postbox was filled with uncollected mail.

But instead of a corpse police found a tenant with badly smelling feet asleep in bed next to a pile of foul-smelling laundry, police in the south-western town of Kaiserslautern said.

Published in: on December 15, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany – Chapter 14

MISSING DOCTOR LAY DEAD IN GARAGE FOR 22 YEARS

A doctor who went missing 22 years ago has been found dead in the loft of his garage after apparently committing suicide in 1985. His wife and daughter were unaware they were living meters away from his corpse.

When German doctor Siegfried B. went missing in 1985, Ronald Reagan was in the White House, the Communists still ruled eastern Europe and Boris Becker won Wimbledon.

He has now been found after lying dead for 22 years in the former East German village of Bergholz-Rehbrücke, southwest of Berlin — in the loft of his garage. He’d apparently committed suicide, police said. His wife reported him missing in March 1985. He had left the house — she thought — saying, “I’m just going out for a while.” She still lives in the house adjoining the garage, which she used for years unaware that her dead husband was just a few feet overhead.

The man’s skeleton was found last Monday by workers repairing the garage roof. There were some farewell notes and a bottle of Schnapps next to him. The body was wrapped in a blanket.

Prosecutors said they weren’t treating the death as suspicious. “There are no indications that he was killed by anyone else,” Wilfried Lehmann, prosecutor in the city of Potsdam, told Bild newspaper.

The man, known only as Siegfried B., was a medical doctor and may have poisoned himself with drugs, prosecutors said. He turned 50 a few days before he disappeared. Local media reported rumors among villagers at the time that he had been in trouble with the East German secret police, the Stasi, and that he had been a critic of the Communist regime.

When his widow Barbara reported him missing, police searched the grounds and the house but failed to look in the loft above the garage. They focused their search in the nearby forest because he had been an avid hunter. She and her daughter Claudia were reported to be deeply shocked by the discovery.

Published in: on December 14, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Leave a Comment  
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There’ll Always be a Germany – Chapter 13

GERMAN CANNIBAL EATS AUSTRIAN

Austrian police arrested a 19-year-old homeless German on suspicion of murdering a flatmate in a homeless shelter and eating parts of his body.

A cleaning woman found the naked, sliced-open corpse of a 49-year-old Austrian on Tuesday morning in the flat he had shared with the German, a Vienna police spokesman said. Spokesman Gerald Hoebarth said some of the victim’s body parts were found on a plate. “Whether the suspect ate from that, we don’t know yet,” he said. Other body parts were found in an adjoining room.

Court psychiatrist Reinhard Haller told ORF television that the perpetrator was “deeply abnormal” and added: “The cause could have been a psychotic reaction or a sadistic compulsion”.

In neighbouring Germany last year, a computer technician was sentenced to life in prison for slicing off the penis of a man he had met via the Internet – with the man’s approval – then killing him and eating part of his corpse. Earlier this year, a schizophrenic prison inmate in France killed a fellow prisoner and ate part of his heart.

Published in: on December 13, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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There’ll Always be a Germany – Chapter 12

GERMAN HOUSE CRASHED INTO FOR THE 10TH TIME

A German man says he fears he may have built his own tomb after a vehicle ploughed into his house for the 10th time.

“If we stay, someone’s eventually going to kill us. We’re living in a time bomb,” Manfred Sedlazek said. Mr Sedlazek is reluctant to leave the house he built himself, which is on a bend of a busy road, but says it may be his only chance of survival.

Earlier this week, a 40-tonne truck blasted through the side of the redbrick house in the village of Karlshoefen, in northern Germany. Mr Sedlazek returned home from shopping to find the shattered vehicle sticking out of his living room.Police estimated the damage at more than 100,000 euros ($166,580).

Nine previous smashes into the two-storey building Mr Sedlazek shares with his wife have wrecked his kitchen, bedroom and garden, causing damage worth tens of thousands of dollars.

Published in: on December 12, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments Off  
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