There’ll Always be a Germany (and a North Carolina)

Exploding Toilet Causes Stinky Situation

The Colons ended up with some pretty explosive toilet bowl problems.

After a sewer line blew up inside the family’s Charlotte, N.C., home — damaging almost everything inside — Charlotte-Mecklenburg Utilities (CMUD) said it’s not responsible for mopping up the mess, according to WCNC-TV News.

The utility and local mom Marilyn Colon are having a spat over who should clean up the smelly mess.

Colon’s neighbors poured grease down the drain, which built up over time and led to the bathroom blast, CMUD said.

“We heard a thump,” Colon told WCNC-TV.

Her toilet then suddenly blew up. “Feces, urine, oil … it went all through the house,” Colon told WCNC-TV. “You can see where the pressure from the water lifted the toilet bowl,” Colon explained to the network.

She described the horrible odor caused by the bidet blast. “You couldn’t breathe, your eyes would tear,” she told WCNC-TV, adding that the explosion destroyed almost everything in her house.

“I lost everything,” Colon said.

WCNC-TV posted pics of the exploding toilet on their Web site.

The smelly situation turned into a row when Colon and her landlord phoned CMUD for aid.
The utility said it doesn’t legally have to offer cleaning help but they do anyway. CMUD called their insurance adjustor and a cleaning company arrived and a restoration company promised to fix the floors. Colon said she and her landlord won’t sign on to a contract CMUD gave them to install a valve to protect again a second restroom eruption.

Colon and her 6-year-old daughter stayed at a neighbor’s house trying to plan where to go next as crews swabbed the line last Monday.

“My home is contaminated,” she told WCNC-TV.

Published in:  on December 31, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 28

New TV Channel Takes on Death and Dying

By Charles Hawley

There are shows for cooking, relationships, weddings and property — why not for dying? A new TV channel in Germany plans to rectify the omission with 24/7 digital death.

Cooking shows are a dime a dozen on television these days. Home improvement shows hit the big time in the 1990s. Property shows are huge in Britain. Relationships and weddings have likewise become popular prime-time fodder. But the one event that faces every human on Earth has never had its own television channel.
Until now.

Starting this autumn in Germany, EosTV — a 24-hour-a-day, seven-days-a-week television channel devoted exclusively to aging, dying and mourning — will hit the airwaves. Viewers will be served up documentaries about cemeteries, shows about changing funeral culture, and helpful tips about finding a retirement home or nursing care. Should you be looking to install a stair lift in your home, EosTV will be the place to find information about that too. Death and dying, in other words, right in your living room.

“Over 800,000 people died in Germany last year,” Wolf Tilmann Schneider, the channel’s founder, told SPIEGEL ONLINE. “Multiply that by four and you have the rough number of people directly affected by those deaths. There are also 2.1 million people in Germany needing care in their old age. There are millions of people confronting the issues of getting older and dying.”

Forest Cemeteries and Anonymous Burials

The show pairs television veteran Schneider with Germany’s funeral home association and seeks to take advantage of the country’s changing demographics. In 2006, Germany saw almost 150,000 more deaths than births, a continuation of a trend that has seen the country’s population age dramatically in recent decades.

In addition, says Kerstin Gernig, spokeswoman for the National Association of Funeral Homes, there has also been a recent shift in the way people approach death and burial. More people are taking advantage of anonymous burials, for example. Forest cemeteries are likewise becoming more popular, as are Internet graveyards. And the church no longer plays such a large role in the death industry.

“We want to take a look at the changing nature of mourning and death in the Internet, pictures and movies,” Gernig told SPIEGEL ONLINE in reference to the new death channel.

The channel, which will cost less than €10 million to launch, would also like to be a part of that trend. For years, Germany’s funeral homes have noted a rise in the number of elderly people and their descendents looking to work with professional writers to document their lives and those of loved ones.

Working with the funeral home association — which represents some 85 percent of German undertakers — Schneider is hoping to provide families a video outlet for their mourning as well. Families can buy 30 second slots to create televised obituaries. For a €2,400 fee, the spot will be aired 10 times on the death channel and will also be provided as video on the company’s Web site and those of funeral homes.

“We are all the same. We all have the same life cycle and we all live and die,” says Schneider. “That’s where the idea came from that — just like an obituary one places with a newspaper — I wanted to give people the opportunity to do that on television.”

Most of the programming, however, will be taken up by informational shows for the elderly. Those moving into their later years can watch the channel to inform themselves about life insurance, funeral insurance, home nursing services, and which companies are the best at installing stair lifts.

Program directors are even hoping to do shows on Germans’ seeming unwillingness to donate their organs. The shows, Schneider hopes, will be sponsored by companies selling products to those entering their golden years.

Graveyard Documentaries

And of course, there will be entertainment programming. Schneider can barely contain himself when he talks about his own interest in cemeteries. “I realized recently,” he says breathlessly, “that I really like going to the cemetery. And I’ve noticed that in Germany and in Europe people go to cemeteries not just to mourn, but also to enjoy the peace.”

His idea? Documentaries on European cemeteries. What happens to bodies in Germany after their allotted cemetery time — as a rule, dead Germans stay in the ground for no longer than a generation — has expired? What about that beautiful graveyard in Paris? And then there’s the cemetery in Berlin that was divided by the Berlin Wall. The list of potential topics, so says Schneider, is endless.

So too, he is hoping, is the target group. After all, he points out, hundreds of thousands of people die in Germany each year. And it’s not just a German phenomenon. Indeed, before the first show has even been broadcast, EosTV — named for Eos, the Greek goddess of the dawn — is already planning to expand.

Schneider has begun the search for partners across Europe and in the United States. The response, he reports, has been quite lively.

Published in:  on December 30, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 27

German in Wheelchair Busted For Drunk Driving

A wheelchair-bound man was spotted by police driving down the middle of the road in a village in eastern Germany. When they breathalysed him they were shocked to find that he was ten times over the legal limit for drivers.

A man was arrested on Saturday night for driving a wheelchair under the influence. His blood alcohol content was 0.5 percent.

Whether it’s a truck or a wheelchair, German police don’t look too kindly on vehicles swerving down the middle of a road — particularly if those operating them have had a few too many beers.

When a squad car patrolling the village of Ventschow, in northeastern Germany, spotted a wheelchair-bound man out on the open road late on Saturday night, the police officers suspected he might be under the influence. They were right. When he was given a breathalyzer test, they were stunned to find that he was a whopping ten times over the legal limit for drivers. He had a 0.5 percent blood alcohol content (BAC) — the legal limit in Germany is 0.05 percent.

“He was right in the middle of the road,” a spokesman for the police told Reuters Tuesday. “The officers couldn’t believe it when they saw the results of the breath test. That’s a life- threatening figure.”

The 31-year-old had been out partying with a pal, he confessed when pulled over. In fact he was just a mile from home when he was rumbled.

The concerned coppers tried to get the inebriated man to hospital in an ambulance, but he was not going quietly. After he resisted and put up a fight, they were forced to give him a police escort.

Now the authorities are faced with the tricky task of how to penalize this kind of behavior. Technically the man was traveling as a pedestrian, and so cannot be charged with a driving offence.

“It’s not like we can impound his wheelchair,” the police spokesman said. “But he is facing some sort of punishment. It’s just not clear yet what that will be.”

smd/dpa/reuters

Published in:  on December 29, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 26

Hairdresser Highlights Security Slip-Up at Bundesbank

German tabloid Bild reported Thursday that a Berlin hairdresser rifling through his garbage cans has come across top secret plans for the Bundesbank’s new maximum security safe.

Security is tight at the Bundesbank headquarters in Berlin, as befits a bank that stores several millions of euros behind yards of reinforced steel and concrete.

But in these paranoid times, many will be alarmed to learn that even bullet-proof glass and surveillance cameras are not enough to stop information ending up in the wrong hands. In fact, security at Germany’s central bank is …well, a load of rubbish.

Across town in the fashionable neighbourhood of Friedrichshain, a German hairdresser was astonished to find a plastic bag containing classified plans for the Bundesbank’s new safe in garbage cans in his very own backyard.

The plans detailed “floor thickness, movement detector placements, doors, passageways and barred gates” reported mass circulation daily Bild.

“These plans are secret,” was witten at the top of the page in bold capitals.

Not any more they’re not — after Bild splashed them across the pages of its Thursday edition.

The Bundesbank headquarters in the Charlottenburg district were recently renovated and enlarged to the tune of 156 million euros.

Officials from the bank suspect the plans went missing during the construction work.

Bundesbank spokesman Albrecht Sommer told Bild the bank intended “to come up with an explanation as soon as possible.”

“We will check to see how this could have happened,” Sommer was quoted as saying. “Right now we have to make sure no more worksite plans are out there.”

There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 25

Bismarck’s Legacy of Laziness

Otto von Bismarck will be remembered as the Iron Chancellor who orchestrated German unification and waged war against France. His great-great-grandson will be remembered as one of Germany’s laziest politicians.

When faced with criticism, the elder Bismarck (1815-1898) fought back. He bribed journalists, discredited his enemies and kissed up to monarchs. But times have changed and they just don’t make statesmen like they used to.

Bismark’s great-great-grandson will be remembered less for any specific accomplishment than for his extraordinary laziness.

Count Carl Eduard von Bismarck resigned his parliament seat on Thursday, Dec. 20. During his two-year tenure in Germany’s lower house of parliament, the media dubbed Bismarck “Germany’s laziest politician.”

Bismarck, 46, entered parliament as a member of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Christian Democratic Union (CDU) in 2005. Colleagues quickly became resentful of his frequent absences.

“I have to say that for the past year and a half, he has not really been taking part in the work of the CDU caucus,” the CDU chairman in Bismarck’s northern constituency, Klaus Schlie, told the AFP. “There is considerable displeasure about his position in the constituency.”

According to the Bild tabloid, the Iron Chancellor’s relative missed more than half of the 21 plenary sessions this year. He failed to show up for important votes raising sales tax by three points. He also skipped out on votes to reform the German health system and on a debate over sending German Tornado jets to Afghanistan to do surveillance work for NATO.

Bismarck said he suffered from back problems and had notes from the doctor to explain his absences.

According to Bild, Bismarck would have qualified for a lifetime monthly pension of 631 euros ($904) if he had resigned after Jan. 12. Other CDU members reportedly insisted he go before that date. But Bismarck will still be entitled to a single pension payment of 40,000 euros from the legislature.

Bismarck is the older brother of the late Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who was found dead in his London apartment this summer at the age of 44 after a life marked by drug scandals.

Published in:  on December 27, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Austrian Supplement

Niece Not Nice: Police

VIENNA (Reuters) – An Austrian woman lived with the mummified remains of her
aunt for a year after she died at age 96, Vienna police said on Wednesday.

Officers found the corpse under a blanket on a bed after ignoring the
51-year-old niece’s claim that her aunt was sleeping and should not be
disturbed, a police statement said.

A preliminary inquiry had determined that the niece, who was taken to a
psychiatric hospital for examination, may have covered up the death for
financial reasons, it added.

Austrian news agency APA quoted police investigator Gerald Hoebart as saying
possible theft was being looked into since the younger woman appeared to
have lived off her aunt’s pension since the death and used her cashpoint
card to withdraw money.

An autopsy was planned to check whether any foul play was involved in the
death, believed to have happened in August 2006.

Published in:  on December 26, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Special Christmas Edition

Peepshow Stars Stolen from Gnome Park

Thieves have stolen scantily clad garden gnomes from a gnome peepshow in an eastern German amusement park, park manager Frank Ullrich says.

“The gnomes display naked body parts, the same ones you’d expect to see in a human peep show,” Mr Ullrich said of his missing stars.

The adults-only attraction at Dwarf-Park Trusetal, where visitors peep through keyholes to see the saucy German miniatures in compromising poses, was smashed open early on Thursday morning.

Mr Ullrich says he fears the gnomes would not be traced.

“I doubt they’re standing in someone’s garden, they’ll have to have been hidden inside,” he said.

Published in:  on December 25, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 24

German Hamster Parties on Alone

A German man who went on holiday has left his stereo and lights on, so his pet hamster would not feel lonely in the empty apartment.

Police in Bremen say they broke into the apartment, because of fears the man may have died.
A spokesman says officers had been alerted by neighbours that loud music was playing non-stop for five days, the lights had been left on and no-one answered the door when they knocked.
All the police found inside was the golden hamster.

A friend of the owner eventually arrived and explained she visited every few days to provide fresh food and water.

She promised to turn the music down and come by more often.

Published in:  on December 24, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany: Chapter 23

Hungry crows behind toad explosions

Toads have been exploding by the hundred in Germany because they are being attacked by crows, a veterinary surgeon has revealed.

Animal welfare workers and veterinarians had reported that as many as 1,000 toads had swelled to bursting point and exploded in recent days, propelling their entrails up to a metre into the air.

Veterinary surgeon Frank Mutschmann, who has examined the remains of the toads, says they have been pierced with a single peck by crows trying to eat their livers.

This in turn causes the toads to explode.

“The toads swell up as a form of self-defence,” Dr Mutschmann said. “But when their livers are taken away and their stomachs are punctured, their blood vessels explode, their lungs collapse and the other organs come out.”

He says that between three and five crows could kill around 100 toads. “Crows are intelligent animals. They learn very quickly how to eat the toads’ livers,” he said.

So many toads have died in a lake in the Altona district of Hamburg that it has been dubbed “the pond of death.”

Published in:  on December 23, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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There’ll Always be a Germany – Chapter 22

GERMAN MAN FOLLOWS RULES

BERLIN – A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter
(two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over
to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the
64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a
holiday in Egypt.

Published in:  on December 22, 2007 at 5:00 pm Leave a Comment
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