The recent announcement by “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling that Albus Dumbledore, the fictional headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is gay has caused widespread consternation among households where the parents, for whatever reason, have not yet had a frank conversation with their children about human sexuality.
While there is no single correct method for explaining sexuality and, particularly, homosexuality, to your kids, child psychologists have developed a few general guidelines that apply to the fictional Dumbledore just as much as they do to the very real guy at the mall who works at that cart that sells colorful cell phone covers.
First of all, without talking down to your children, explain things in terms they can understand. And remember, Dumbledore may seem very real to them so there’s no reason not to indulge in a flight of fancy beyond what is known on the basis of the Harry Potter books and movies. You might tell your kids, for instance, that Dumbledore likes to “put his pee-pee in other men’s doo-doos” or that Dumbledore likes other men to “put their pee-pees in his doo-doo.” Or both. If the kids ask who these other men are, be sure and choose from among the mature characters in the Harry Potter universe to avoid any hint of an inappropriate relationship with a child or adolescent. You might, for example, say that Hagrid, the beloved Hogwarts groundskeeper, and Dumbledore were boyfriends in college during an experimental period in Hagrid’s life but that, since then, Hagrid has become resolutely heterosexual. His rejection of Dumbledore and the gay lifestyle is what caused Dumbledore to force Hagrid to work as basically a janitor.
As your children begin to understand more about Dumbledore’s sexuality, you should expect them to begin asking questions which may strike you as amusing or embarrassing. Keep in mind that your children take these questions seriously and that you should, as well. Try this exercise: imagine that, having explained to your child about Dumbledore, pee-pees, and doo-doos, your child turns to you and asks, “Daddy, does Dumbledore go tinkle on other people?” While you may be tempted to laugh, you have a duty to your child and his or her budding sense of curiosity to take him or her seriously and answer the question as best you can, admitting that you don’t know if Dumbledore goes tinkle on other people but that it’s certainly possible.
Finally, always keep in the back of your mind the most important lesson about homosexuality: that it is not a choice but simply the consequence of our genetic makeup. Your children, considering the many obstacles that still remain for gay people today, may wonder why Dumbledore doesn’t use his magical powers to turn himself straight. This is the point at which you must begin to make a distinction for your children between the real world, in which magicians are as rare as straight choreographers, and the fictional world of the Harry Potter books. The best way to begin to get this idea across to your children without traumatizing them, cognitive development experts agree, is to mute the television and then, while hiding behind it, explain the difference between real and make believe in the pretend voices of whomever happens to be on the television at that point.
