President George Bush recently sat down with our reporter in the Map Room at the White House for an historic interview in which his responses were communicated entirely using emoticons, the symbols that are created from punctuation marks and sometimes known as “Smileys.” White House Press Secretary Dana Perino said that the interview “represents only the most recent stage in an ongoing effort to stay abreast of cultural and technological trends” and “proves that the Executive Branch is clearly the most cybersaavy part of our government.”
THE OLD YORKER: First of all, thank you for inviting us to do this interview.
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH: 
THE OLD YORKER: This is a beautiful room.
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: Will the First Lady be joining us? We got conflicting information about that from the Press Office.
PRESIDENT BUSH: 
THE OLD YORKER: Well, yes, it is sad. We would like to have met her. Okay, so let’s start with Iraq—
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: We heard from General Petraeus earlier this fall regarding the progress that has been made recently in Iraq. Are you prepared to say that the so-called “Surge” is a success?
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-l
THE OLD YORKER: Fair enough. But when will you be able to say for certain if it’s been a success or if it hasn’t worked?
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-/
THE OLD YORKER: So, assuming the Surge is a success, does that mean that we will have achieved victory in Iraq?
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-l
THE OLD YORKER: Or, to look at it another way, will only a complete and decisive military victory validate the Surge?
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-/
THE OLD YORKER: Even General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker admit that the level of daily violence in Iraq remains unacceptably high despite recent improvements in some areas—
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-,
THE OLD YORKER: Well, sir, respectfully, you may smirk all you like but I think the media is just as eager to report successes as it is to report car bombings or assassinations. It’s just that successes have been so rare–
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: Sure, I can give you many examples. For instance, the Iraqi government is no closer to an agreement to share oil revenues than it was a year ago when you cited that as one of the keys to progress. No matter what happens militarily, don’t you find the political stalemate discouraging?
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: Okay, well then, let’s discuss that fundamental optimism which many people who know you have described. Does it come from a different reading of the facts or is it a product of your religious faith?
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: What I mean is, which one is it? Or are you just reflexively optimistic despite terrible problems the deteriorating economic situation here at home…
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: The continuing crisis in nuclear-armed Pakistan…
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: The multilateral threats posed by global climate change…
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: Wow, you certainly are an optimist. With that in mind, what do you honestly think are the chances of achieving any meaningful progress at the upcoming Middle East Peace Conference?
PRESIDENT BUSH: $;-)
THE OLD YORKER: I didn’t realize that economic factors played such a big role. But I guess it’s always a underlying issue. Okay, if I might switch gears, I’d like to ask you about next year’s election.
PRESIDENT BUSH: 
THE OLD YORKER: Right, right So…not ready to make an endorsement yet?
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: (chuckle) The Democratic contenders are all indicating that they plan to make the ’08 election a referendum on your presidency.
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-p
THE OLD YORKER: I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Did you grow a goatee?
PRESIDENT BUSH: 
THE OLD YORKER: Oh, I get it. You’re sticking your tongue out.
PRESIDENT BUSH:
THE OLD YORKER: One final question, Mr. President. You’ve often spoken about the judgment of history. As you enter the final year of your presidency, what would you like your legacy to be? How would you hope that history will judge George Bush?
PRESIDENT BUSH: :-, 
THE OLD YORKER: We shall see. Thank you for participating in this groundbreaking interview, sir.
PRESIDENT BUSH: 1001101100100011
THE OLD YORKER: No, I’m the emoticon guy. I think the binary interview is after me.
