Fifty states in the union, fifty stars on the flag. Coincidence? I don’t think so!
America and Why I Love Her – Update
Look, no one’s saying that this country is perfect. But find me someone who’s saying that it isn’t perfect and I’ll kick his ass!
America and Why I Love Her – Update
I love America because we have never lost a war, except for the Vietnam War which we could have won if we’d really wanted to.
America and Why I Love Her – Update
I read somewhere that jazz is the only artform actually invented by Americans. Well, what about country and western music? Who the hell do you think invented that? The Italians?
But my point is that, unlike jazz, people actually like country and western music. Somehow that little piece of information was oh-so-conveniently left out of whatever it was that I read.
America and Why I Love Her – Update
Have you ever seen a Chinaman on a jet-ski, snowmobile, or all-terrain vehicle? They look ridiculous! Americans, on the other hand, look perfectly normal doing those things, even if they’re fat.
America and Why I Love Her – Update
I love America because whenever I need a little good advice I just go to the supermarket and read the packages:
“Some restrictions may apply.”
“Results may vary.”
“Void where prohibited.”
“Past performance is no guarantee of future results.”
“Women who are pregnant or may become pregnant should not handle broken pills due to the risk of a particular kind of birth defect.”
Too true. Who needs Harvard when you’ve got the A&P!
America and Why I Love Her – Update
Although everyone thinks that our guns are the only thing you have to pry from our cold dead hands here in America, the truth is that there are a lot of other things we’re willing to fight and die for.
Take my wife. If you wanted her, you’d have to pry her from my cold dead hands. And also my car. That’s just for starters.
America and Why I Love Her – Update
From what I understand, in Pakistan, heterosexual men, even soldiers in uniform, routinely walk down the street holding hands. You’d never catch something like that going on here except…you know.
America and Why I Love Her – Update
I’ve heard that over in Europe they say that Americans have no sense of irony. Well, fuck them, right?!
America and Why I Love Her – Update
What I love about America is that every American has the right to the pursuit of happiness. Contrast that with, say, Europe or Africa. God knows what they are up to over there.
