Now that the dust has begun to settle from the dual revelations of the prostitution scandal involving former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and the numerous affairs admitted to by his successor, David Patterson, we have had time to ponder the fate of these powerful men and the superhuman sexual drives that brought about the downfall of one and severely compromised the other.
Why is, we wondered, that we have found ourselves humming the theme from “Thunderball” ever since the full magnitude of New York’s gubernatorial misconduct became apparent? For those who may not recall the words, here are the lyrics to “Thunderball” as sung by the inimitable Tom Jones:
He always runs while others walk
He acts while other men just talk.
He looks at this world, and wants it all,
So he strikes, like Thunderball.
He knows the meaning of success.
His needs are more, so he gives less.
They call him the winner who takes all.
And he strikes, like Thunderball.
Any woman he wants, he’ll get.
He will break any heart without regret.
His days of asking are all gone.
His fight goes on and on and on.
But he thinks that the fight is worth it all.
So he strikes like Thunderball
Hmm. Does that sound like any governors you know?
The Jews have a saying, “The rabbi is allowed.” Perhaps what we are all missing amidst the moralizing and pontificating is simply this, like Thunderball, Spitzer and Patterson’s needs may be more, hence they give less. After all, these are not governors of Nebraska or Ohio or Alabama. These are the governors of New York, the Empire State, the most important state in the union.
Consider this: New York’s economy is larger than any other state’s and all but seven other countries. It is home to our largest city. New York has more state employees than Montana has residents. We could go on but we think you see our point. The governor of New York is not just any governor. He stands astride our Eastern Seaboard like a colossus, with one foot planted in the waters of mighty Niagra and the other deep in the seas lapping at windswept Montauk. The Erie Canal, the lifeblood of our country’s commerce, flows in his veins. He is not subject to the same petty rules and hidebound morality as the rest of us. He makes his own laws! What the governor of New York wants, he takes.
And when the burdens of holding the world on his shoulders begin to weigh on him, these Atlases take their rest as they see fit. It is not for us to judge since it is we who have burdened them thus because we know that, unlike us, they are equal to the task. Their wives understand and appreciate their spouses’ exceptional status. They have both stood by their men, their dignified silence a reproach to those of us who would condemn their husbands for seeking the emotional and physical sustenance they need to carry out the Hurculean labors we have assigned them. These men have sex like others have breakfast — and for the same purpose. Their goal is not idle wantonness but rather simple nourishment.
And for this crime: the crime of being bigger and better than the rest of us, of living life on a larger scale, of daring to write their names on history’s great canvas, for this we have scourged them and driven them from office. For this, we have mocked them.
We should be ashamed.
– The Editors
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New York’s Lusty Governors: An Appreciation
Now that the dust has begun to settle from the dual revelations of the prostitution scandal involving former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and the numerous affairs admitted to by his successor, David Patterson, we have had time to ponder the fate of these powerful men and the superhuman sexual drives that brought about the downfall of one and severely compromised the other.
Why is, we wondered, that we have found ourselves humming the theme from “Thunderball” ever since the full magnitude of New York’s gubernatorial misconduct became apparent? For those who may not recall the words, here are the lyrics to “Thunderball” as sung by the inimitable Tom Jones:
He always runs while others walk
He acts while other men just talk.
He looks at this world, and wants it all,
So he strikes, like Thunderball.
He knows the meaning of success.
His needs are more, so he gives less.
They call him the winner who takes all.
And he strikes, like Thunderball.
Any woman he wants, he’ll get.
He will break any heart without regret.
His days of asking are all gone.
His fight goes on and on and on.
But he thinks that the fight is worth it all.
So he strikes like Thunderball
Hmm. Does that sound like any governors you know?
The Jews have a saying, “The rabbi is allowed.” Perhaps what we are all missing amidst the moralizing and pontificating is simply this, like Thunderball, Spitzer and Patterson’s needs may be more, hence they give less. After all, these are not governors of Nebraska or Ohio or Alabama. These are the governors of New York, the Empire State, the most important state in the union.
Consider this: New York’s economy is larger than any other state’s and all but seven other countries. It is home to our largest city. New York has more state employees than Montana has residents. We could go on but we think you see our point. The governor of New York is not just any governor. He stands astride our Eastern Seaboard like a colossus, with one foot planted in the waters of mighty Niagra and the other deep in the seas lapping at windswept Montauk. The Erie Canal, the lifeblood of our country’s commerce, flows in his veins. He is not subject to the same petty rules and hidebound morality as the rest of us. He makes his own laws! What the governor of New York wants, he takes.
And when the burdens of holding the world on his shoulders begin to weigh on him, these Atlases take their rest as they see fit. It is not for us to judge since it is we who have burdened them thus because we know that, unlike us, they are equal to the task. Their wives understand and appreciate their spouses’ exceptional status. They have both stood by their men, their dignified silence a reproach to those of us who would condemn their husbands for seeking the emotional and physical sustenance they need to carry out the Hurculean labors we have assigned them. These men have sex like others have breakfast — and for the same purpose. Their goal is not idle wantonness but rather simple nourishment.
And for this crime: the crime of being bigger and better than the rest of us, of living life on a larger scale, of daring to write their names on history’s great canvas, for this we have scourged them and driven them from office. For this, we have mocked them.
We should be ashamed.
– The Editors
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on March 30, 2008 at 11:44 pm Comments OffTags: A defense of Eliot Spitzer and David Patterson