The Old Yorker

Philip Larkin claimed that “Sexual intercourse began/In 1963/Between the end of the Chatterly ban/And the Beatles’ first LP.”

Art and literature, on the other hand, had ended some time earlier, though exactly when is subject to debate. Art was clearly dead by the time of the post-War rise of abstraction. Literature, it is generally agreed, had ended some years before, perhaps with the initial serial publication of James Joyce’s nonsensical “Ulysses” starting in 1918.

For us at the Old Yorker, art and literature began their long decline to their current state of irrelevance when happy endings and their artistic equivalent — the unalloyed joyous sentiment of Fragonard, for example — became unfashionable. Even the rare modern novel or, more frequently, work of light fiction, that does have a technically happy ending, never achieves it without some sort of hideous tragedy or intolerable loss. It is not simply that a beloved secondary character must die so that the two major characters can live happily ever after. Instead some monstrous permanently damaging horror must occur that is first endured and, then, accepted. That’s the modern happy ending.

Don’t get us wrong. We are not opposed to tragedy or melodrama. We merely ask for a current literary corpus that includes not just comedies as a counterbalance but also romances and dramas and adventure stories and tales of manly derring-do, all with genuinely happy endings. For artists the corollary would be simple beauty, uncomplicated by irony.

This is not an unrealistic dream. We have found that the canonical works of art and literature often contain a simpler, purer version that shows what might have been, until the author or artist gave in to the unwholesome urge to inject a little gloom and doom.

To give an example, “La Boheme,” Puccini’s beloved tale of struggling artists in 19th Century Paris, is going along just fine until it deteriorates into the usual coughing fits and lovers quarrels in Act 3. Just think how much better it would be to leave the opera house smiling (having heard almost all the great arias, by the way) at the end of a final curtain that came down at the end of Act 2, rather than after Mimi’s death from tuberculosis at the end of Act 4?

Here is a synopsis of the plot of “La Boheme” adjusted in this manner.

LA BOHEME

ACT I. Paris, Christmas Eve, c. 1830. In their Latin Quarter garret, the painter Marcello and poet Rodolfo try to keep warm by burning pages from Rodolfo’s latest drama. They are joined by their comrades — Colline, a young philosopher, and Schaunard, a musician who has landed a job and brings food, fuel and funds. But while they celebrate their unexpected fortune, the landlord, Benoit, arrives to collect the rent. Plying the older man with wine, they urge him to tell of his flirtations, then throw him out in mock indignation. As the friends depart for a celebration at the nearby Café Momus, Rodolfo promises to join them soon, staying behind to finish writing an article. There is another knock: a neighbor, Mimì, says her candle has gone out on the drafty stairs. Offering her wine when she feels faint, Rodolfo relights her candle and helps her to the door. Mimì realizes she has dropped her key, and as the two search for it, both candles are blown out. In the moonlight the poet takes the girl’s shivering hand, telling her his dreams. She then recounts her solitary life, embroidering flowers and waiting for spring. Drawn to each other, Mimì and Rodolfo leave for the café.

ACT II. Amid shouts of street hawkers, Rodolfo buys Mimì a bonnet near the Café Momus before introducing her to his friends. They all sit down and order supper. A toy vendor, Parpignol, passes by, besieged by children. Marcello’s former lover, Musetta, enters ostentatiously on the arm of the elderly, wealthy Alcindoro. Trying to regain the painter’s attention, she sings a waltz about her popularity. Complaining that her shoe pinches, Musetta sends Alcindoro to fetch a new pair, then falls into Marcello’s arms. Joining a group of marching soldiers, the Bohemians leave Alcindoro to face the bill when he returns.

THE END