There is a joke told by the Pictish people which became popular among the Vikings after the Norsemen slew Eoganan, King of the Picts, in the Earn Valley and conquered his lands. It is said that this joke was the greatest article of plunder the Norse brought home from Pictavia.
It seems that the vagabond minstrel Drest, son of Erp, was passing through a country that was strange to him when he happened upon a farmer building a frame for the drying of hops (from which the strong Pictish beer is brewed.) Eager to hear more about the land in which he traveled, Drest greeted the farmer and then attempted to engage him in conversation. The farmer proved to be a churlish sort and Drest was preparing to move on when a pig ran out from its sty, squealing happily. As the pig rubbed itself against the farmer, Drest noticed that one of its forelegs was fashioned of wood. Unable to command his curiosity, he asked the farmer what had befallen the pig that its leg should be made from wood.
The farmer glared at the minstrel and told him to mind what he said about the swine. “This pig is special. When my youngest boy was just a babe, my idiot of a wife laid him by accident underneath a hornets’ nest. If not for this pig, the lad would have been stung to death.” The farmer went on to tell how the pig had driven off the insects with his snout despite being stung most painfully and then carried the baby to safety on its back.
“Another time,” said the farmer, “Lighting struck my barn and fire spread to my hayloft. While battling the flames, I was overcome with smoke. Not one of my sons or neighbors could reach me, not Giron, not his brother Galam, and not even Talorc the smith who is as strong as an ox and has no fear of heat or fire. Only this pig was able to reach me and, when he did, he blew fresh air into my lungs and the pulled me out of the barn just moments before it fell to ruin.”
Drest was mightily impressed. “Indeed, sir,” he said, “That is a most impressive pig but still you have not told me why it has only three legs.”
The farmer made a face as though speaking with a simpleton and answered. “Because, you fool, a marvelous pig like this, you do not eat all at once!”
Whereupon Drest — whose brother Aed, son of Erp, was master of Dal Raita, and therefore had the right for all males of his family to bear arms — took his great sword, which was called Fortriu, from its sheath and, with a single stroke, cut the farmer’s head from his body to punish him for his uncouth and surly ways. The farmer’s head was placed upon a sharpened fence post and carried through the town by Drest’s squire, Oengus mac Fergusa, as a lesson to all.
